7/28/2006
yay i flunked my sci test. pathetic.. UGH. i suck at science!! its just dropping like crazy. from A to fail. wow. pro, eh? english.. situational writing? a little disturbing. yea i use the word DISTURBING. aus? sis? cake? competition? sounds familiar.. well.. not to my actual sis but.. a brother. y the heck m i talking abt this? UGH again.

anyone has an extra lit book? bridge to terabitha? i kinda lost mine..(y is tt not surprising..?) this post is gonna be full of UGHs. so b prepared.. well exams so far just totally wreck my life. fail? well.. not tt i fail any subjects.. but.. expectations r too high.. the pressure. arg.

well the trauma has returned. it keeps playing back in my mind.. the series of events, which i wish tt somehow, could be prevented. it ain't something i'm proud of. it wasn't my fault.. but it haunts me; like a nightmare playing over & over again. unable to concentrate.. the inability to do anything without remembering tt freakin incident. neither is it something tt i wanna broadcast. ppl'd just bug me. should i tell someone? uh huh. i haven't told a soul. not even a non living item. that's how scary it is. the world around me has come tumbling down on me. right on top of me.. crushing every bone in my body. i'm alive, but a soul that gets haunted over and over again. it's silly.. how stuff like tt can ruin ur entire life in 10 to 15 min. that's all it took to make me.. different. i've changed. i'm scared. i don't noe where to run. to hide. to dwell upon my misery. alone. i don't wanna face anyone right now..to pretend everything is the same when so many things haf happened. i don't wanna lie anymore. i wanna live, bathing in the springs of TRUTH. without a single doubt in my mind that something bad will happen.

i'm sorry to all the people around me.. especially the ones who care about me most. i just want to keep to myself. they say time is the medication for stuff like tt. i believe it is too. for now, all i wanna do is.. be healed.. be cured.. be treated. hah it ain't a disease. relax. its the heart and body that hurts.

this post has been rather.. depressing, hasn't it? time to brighten things up. oh gawd. this is wat i mean by PRETENDING! UGHHH!! y do i haf to automatically pretend yet again n again? it's tearing me apart! well, to get along this lie..

channing tatum from she's the man is ADORABLE. HOT. CUTE. ugh!! i saw so many cute guys today.. *blush*.. from joyce's house to j8, to the pool.. to my house.. blah bla blah. hmmm i can't believe my swimming instructor so toot. he believed me wen i said i didnt bring my swimming costume wen i was wearing it! hah! n i was wearing a WHITE shirt over a black costume. gawd. either he act dumb.. or he really is dumb. hazel didnt come.. so it kinda sucked even more. first jia ning quits.. hazel's irregular attendance? asslose's(ashwiin) pressence? too much for me to take! UGH. so yeah, i handed him like 35 bucks, walked outta the pool. went to j8. sat there for 45 min. went home. wow. real productive. not. like i care anyways..

UGH. "......" keeps reminding me of that incident which made me a NERVOUS wreck! i'll die if i go anywhere near em! it just gives me a bigger headache over n over again. hmm how many times haf i typed "over n over again" so far? 3? 4? hah. nvm. sigh..